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Dear Carter

Letters to my son

Happy birthday, cousin!

July 13, 2017 Leave a comment

Dear Carter, Today at 7:10 pm, EST, I got a text from your Gigi that your new baby cousin was born. We thought the baby was on the way about 3 weeks ago, but it was a false alarm, so we’ve been anxiously waiting for what seems like forever. Auntie and Uncle didn’t find out… Continue reading Happy birthday, cousin!

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Fireworks

July 4, 2017July 6, 2017 1 Comment

Dear Carter, Today is July 4th. Today is America’s birthday. Today you would have been 5 months old. Today I was supposed to be taking your monthly pictures and marveling at how much you grew. Today we were supposed to venture downtown to our special spot to watch the fireworks and then go home and… Continue reading Fireworks

infant loss

The small things

June 29, 2017 2 Comments

Dear Carter, I haven’t written you a letter in a few days. I got a new job and I’ve been busy learning and going to a million meetings. It’s good in a way, to be so busy at work that my thoughts aren’t consumed by how much I miss you. But then I get in… Continue reading The small things

Before and After

June 21, 2017 2 Comments

Dear Carter, Today I wrote you a poem.   Before, I was naïve Complacent and unaware Of what tragedy may fall Of the depths of the love I would feel And the darkness of missing Your smell Your cry Your mouth at my breast Before, I had sparkly eyes And common complaints No sleep Fussy… Continue reading Before and After

infant loss

Dependent

June 20, 2017August 23, 2017 Leave a comment

Dear Carter, Yesterday I got a new insurance card in the mail. It didn’t have your name on it, and I just looked at it and let the tears come. I took the old one out of my wallet, the one that listed you as my dependent. I couldn’t throw it away. That word stuck… Continue reading Dependent

infant loss

Inextricable

June 18, 2017 2 Comments

Dear Carter, I had to stop at the post office a couple of days ago. The only other time I had been to this particular post office , you and Gigi were with me. You were sleeping in the car and Gigi stayed outside with you while I went in to mail your sister’s birthday… Continue reading Inextricable

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Life really ISN’T fair

June 15, 2017June 15, 2017 2 Comments

Dear Carter, Mama’s mad. Not at you, love. Don’t you worry your sweet heart that I’m mad at you. No sir, I’m mad because I’ve found out in the worst possible way that the old saying is true: Life isn’t fair. I’m angry at the mom pregnant with her second child after having had two… Continue reading Life really ISN’T fair

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Pieces of my heart

June 13, 2017June 13, 2017 Leave a comment

Dear Carter, I realized something when I was talking to your dad last night. I asked him how his day had been, and he asked about mine. I was honest when I told him that it had been a hard day. I missed you so badly yesterday, and I cried a lot. But I told… Continue reading Pieces of my heart

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Everywhere and nowhere

June 12, 2017 1 Comment

Dear Carter, Today marks three weeks since the last time I saw you smile or heard your sweet voice. Three weeks since you nursed at my breast. Three weeks since you opened your eyes to look at me. I miss you. My arms ache for you. My tears are seemingly endless today. There are still… Continue reading Everywhere and nowhere

griefinfant loss

Like father, like son

June 10, 2017June 15, 2017 1 Comment

Dear Carter, Your dad and I didn’t get a chance to know you for very long. You were with us for just 111 days. You were starting to show us your sweet, funny personality — smiling, cooing, sticking out your bubblegum tongue, and loving looking at your handsome self in the mirror. It makes us… Continue reading Like father, like son

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About Carter

Carter Joshua brought sunshine to the world for 111 days. Here you’ll find the heart of a mama parenting a child she can no longer touch but whose love knows no boundary of time, space, or distance.

Learn more about Carter and our family’s story at my dad’s blog:

http://carterscues.blog

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