Dear Carter, Today at 7:10 pm, EST, I got a text from your Gigi that your new baby cousin was born. We thought the baby was on the way about 3 weeks ago, but it was a false alarm, so we’ve been anxiously waiting for what seems like forever. Auntie and Uncle didn’t find out… Continue reading Happy birthday, cousin!
Fireworks
Dear Carter, Today is July 4th. Today is America’s birthday. Today you would have been 5 months old. Today I was supposed to be taking your monthly pictures and marveling at how much you grew. Today we were supposed to venture downtown to our special spot to watch the fireworks and then go home and… Continue reading Fireworks
The small things
Dear Carter, I haven’t written you a letter in a few days. I got a new job and I’ve been busy learning and going to a million meetings. It’s good in a way, to be so busy at work that my thoughts aren’t consumed by how much I miss you. But then I get in… Continue reading The small things
Before and After
Dear Carter, Today I wrote you a poem. Before, I was naïve Complacent and unaware Of what tragedy may fall Of the depths of the love I would feel And the darkness of missing Your smell Your cry Your mouth at my breast Before, I had sparkly eyes And common complaints No sleep Fussy… Continue reading Before and After
Dependent
Dear Carter, Yesterday I got a new insurance card in the mail. It didn’t have your name on it, and I just looked at it and let the tears come. I took the old one out of my wallet, the one that listed you as my dependent. I couldn’t throw it away. That word stuck… Continue reading Dependent
Inextricable
Dear Carter, I had to stop at the post office a couple of days ago. The only other time I had been to this particular post office , you and Gigi were with me. You were sleeping in the car and Gigi stayed outside with you while I went in to mail your sister’s birthday… Continue reading Inextricable
Life really ISN’T fair
Dear Carter, Mama’s mad. Not at you, love. Don’t you worry your sweet heart that I’m mad at you. No sir, I’m mad because I’ve found out in the worst possible way that the old saying is true: Life isn’t fair. I’m angry at the mom pregnant with her second child after having had two… Continue reading Life really ISN’T fair
Pieces of my heart
Dear Carter, I realized something when I was talking to your dad last night. I asked him how his day had been, and he asked about mine. I was honest when I told him that it had been a hard day. I missed you so badly yesterday, and I cried a lot. But I told… Continue reading Pieces of my heart
Everywhere and nowhere
Dear Carter, Today marks three weeks since the last time I saw you smile or heard your sweet voice. Three weeks since you nursed at my breast. Three weeks since you opened your eyes to look at me. I miss you. My arms ache for you. My tears are seemingly endless today. There are still… Continue reading Everywhere and nowhere
Like father, like son
Dear Carter, Your dad and I didn’t get a chance to know you for very long. You were with us for just 111 days. You were starting to show us your sweet, funny personality — smiling, cooing, sticking out your bubblegum tongue, and loving looking at your handsome self in the mirror. It makes us… Continue reading Like father, like son
Dear Carter 