Just call me Chinook

Dear Carter, Snowplow parents clear away all the obstacles for their kids. Tiger parents place insane demands on theirs. Absent parents are…absent. And then there’s me, the dictionary definition of a helicopter parent. Yep, just like a helicopter, I hover close, circling and looping until I run out of gas. I didn’t picture myself as…

Parenting in the aftermath

Dear Carter, Yesterday I found out the paradox of parenting after your baby dies. Your dad was working on teaching your brother how to ride a bike and your sister went outside to hang out, but they were nowhere in sight. She came back inside and asked me “Where’d they go?”, and I could tell…

What I did for love

Dear Carter, A year ago today, Daddy and I made the excruciatingly and agonizingly painful decision to  turn off the machines that were keeping you alive. I’ve wondered so many times over the last year if it was the right thing to do. If it was the best decision we could have made. If we…

525,600 Minutes

Dear Carter, A year has passed since The Day.  The day a phone call shattered my innocence and ripped out my heart. Somehow the world has kept turning. Somehow the sun still rises and sets. Somehow I’m still breathing even though you’re not. I’ve fallen apart about a hundred times today as the flashbacks crashed…

Inextricable

Dear Carter, I had to stop at the post office a couple of days ago. The only other time I had been to this particular post office , you and Gigi were with me. You were sleeping in the car and Gigi stayed outside with you while I went in to mail your sister’s birthday…

Everywhere and nowhere

Dear Carter, Today marks three weeks since the last time I saw you smile or heard your sweet voice. Three weeks since you nursed at my breast. Three weeks since you opened your eyes to look at me. I miss you. My arms ache for you. My tears are seemingly endless today. There are still…