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Dear Carter

Letters to my son

Tag: grief

Just call me Chinook

March 14, 2021March 14, 2021 1 Comment

Dear Carter, Snowplow parents clear away all the obstacles for their kids. Tiger parents place insane demands on theirs. Absent parents are…absent. And then there’s me, the dictionary definition of a helicopter parent. Yep, just like a helicopter, I hover close, circling and looping until I run out of gas. I didn’t picture myself as… Continue reading Just call me Chinook

griefhelicopter parentinfant lossPTSD

Parenting in the aftermath

June 7, 2018June 7, 2018 Leave a comment

Dear Carter, Yesterday I found out the paradox of parenting after your baby dies. Your dad was working on teaching your brother how to ride a bike and your sister went outside to hang out, but they were nowhere in sight. She came back inside and asked me “Where’d they go?”, and I could tell… Continue reading Parenting in the aftermath

griefinfant lossparenting teensPTSD

What I did for love

May 25, 2018May 25, 2018 3 Comments

Dear Carter, A year ago today, Daddy and I made the excruciatingly and agonizingly painful decision to  turn off the machines that were keeping you alive. I’ve wondered so many times over the last year if it was the right thing to do. If it was the best decision we could have made. If we… Continue reading What I did for love

griefinfant losslife supportloveone year anniversary

525,600 Minutes

May 23, 2018May 23, 2018 Leave a comment

Dear Carter, A year has passed since The Day.  The day a phone call shattered my innocence and ripped out my heart. Somehow the world has kept turning. Somehow the sun still rises and sets. Somehow I’m still breathing even though you’re not. I’ve fallen apart about a hundred times today as the flashbacks crashed… Continue reading 525,600 Minutes

griefinfant losslove

Inextricable

June 18, 2017 2 Comments

Dear Carter, I had to stop at the post office a couple of days ago. The only other time I had been to this particular post office , you and Gigi were with me. You were sleeping in the car and Gigi stayed outside with you while I went in to mail your sister’s birthday… Continue reading Inextricable

griefinfant losslove

Everywhere and nowhere

June 12, 2017 1 Comment

Dear Carter, Today marks three weeks since the last time I saw you smile or heard your sweet voice. Three weeks since you nursed at my breast. Three weeks since you opened your eyes to look at me. I miss you. My arms ache for you. My tears are seemingly endless today. There are still… Continue reading Everywhere and nowhere

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About Carter

Carter Joshua brought sunshine to the world for 111 days. Here you’ll find the heart of a mama parenting a child she can no longer touch but whose love knows no boundary of time, space, or distance.

Learn more about Carter and our family’s story at my dad’s blog:

http://carterscues.blog

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