Inextricable

Dear Carter, I had to stop at the post office a couple of days ago. The only other time I had been to this particular post office , you and Gigi were with me. You were sleeping in the car and Gigi stayed outside with you while I went in to mail your sister’s birthday…

Life really ISN’T fair

Dear Carter, Mama’s mad. Not at you, love. Don’t you worry your sweet heart that I’m mad at you. No sir, I’m mad because I’ve found out in the worst possible way that the old saying is true: Life isn’t fair. I’m angry at the mom pregnant with her second child after having had two…

Pieces of my heart

Dear Carter, I realized something when I was talking to your dad last night. I asked him how his day had been, and he asked about mine. I was honest when I told him that it had been a hard day. I missed you so badly yesterday, and I cried a lot. But I told…

Everywhere and nowhere

Dear Carter, Today marks three weeks since the last time I saw you smile or heard your sweet voice. Three weeks since you nursed at my breast. Three weeks since you opened your eyes to look at me. I miss you. My arms ache for you. My tears are seemingly endless today. There are still…

Like father, like son

Dear Carter, Your dad and I didn’t get a chance to know you for very long. You were with us for just 111 days. You were starting to show us your sweet, funny personality — smiling, cooing, sticking out your bubblegum tongue, and loving looking at your handsome self in the mirror. It makes us…

Donkeys and Compassion

Dear Carter, Today I want to tell you a story. Once upon a time, there were two donkeys named Katie and Joshua. They were really strong donkeys that could hold a lot of heavy packs on their backs. But there came a time when they were each loaded with a weight so heavy that it…

May 25, 2017

Dear Carter, Today you died in my arms. Your soul was already gone from your tiny body, but your heart beat its last as I held you. So still, so heavy. Not the warm, squirmy, squishy lovebug I held for three and half months; instead a limp, unmoving doll of who you were just four…